Skulduggery Pleasant - The Bath
by goXve
Summary: Valkyrie gets dirty after a mission and decides to take a bath to get herself clean. Skulduggery and Xena joins her in the bathroom and before anyone of them has time to react hilarity ensues.


"Skulduggery!"

The living skeleton Skulduggery Pleasant dressed in a black and white pinstripe suit, turned towards his 26 year old brown eyed, black haired partner. She stood with her hands pressed against her hips, covered in clay, mud, water, blood and god knows what else from head to toe. Her facial expression screamed out her discomfort, which looked comical considering where she stood.

Around her the rain poured down in heavy spurts and on the ground behind and in front of her lay numerous uncunsious bodies of sorcerers that they had recieved orders from the Grand Mage China Sorrows to capture since they had enraged her for some reason which she had not want to announce to them.

"Yes, Valkyrie?" answered Skulduggery with his velvet voice that always made Valkyrie feel safe and that she would be able to listen to for hours without being tired.

"I am dirty."

"I can see that."

"I do not think you heard or understood me the first time. _I am dirty!_ "

"I heard you quite well the first time Valkyrie and my answer is still the same. _I can see that you are dirty._ Was it something else or can we call the Sanctuary now and ask them to pick up these charming men and escort them to the custody?"

Valkyrie stared at Skulduggery as if he just had said something really offensive. Her eyes were wide open and her already tied hands was tied harder. Her whole body tensed and within a few seconds she was standing in front of him with a finger lifted in front of his black eye sockets.

"Skulduggery, I do not think you understand how _bad_ this situation is. I am drowned in dirt from _head to toe_ , literally speaking. I am dirty in places I did not think it was possible you could get dirty in..."

Skulduggery lifted his hand and laid it around her wrist that belonged to the finger she was helding up towards him before he laid away her arm against her side. "Do not finish that sentence are you so kind, Valkyrie. I do not need to hear that kind of intimate details. If it makes you happy I can call the Sanctuary from the Bentley which in turn gets you to get home faster so you can change."

Valkyrie thought to herself _Yes, one point to me!_ before she nodded and gave Skulduggery a smile. "Sounds good to me!"

She turned around to leave, but Skulduggery took once again a grip on her wrist and pulled her back towards himself. "Before you sit down in the Bentley and grime her precious seats, I want you to open the trunk and take out the blanket that I have there. No way I am letting you grime my car. Do you know how much it costs to clean those seats, let alone to buy completely new ones?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "You know, sometimes I think you love that car more than you love me."

Skulduggery laughed and pulled her into a hug which Valkyrie thought was warm, despite him being dead and a living skeleton. Skulduggery had since the first they met been more living than anyone else Valkyrie had met.

"Your suit is getting dirty..." Valkyrie mumbled into Skulduggery's chest.

"It's washable." Skulduggery smiled down towards her before he released her and walked towards the car. "Come now, your bath is waiting."

Valkyrie walked after him and was just about to sit down when she remembered that she was supposed to pick up a blanket in the Bentley's trunk. She moaned to herself and considered if it would be worth it to sit down in the Bentley without it, but rather quickly came to the conclusion that she wasn't in the mood right now to be a witness to Skulduggery's infamous wrath.

As soon as she'd laid out the blanket over the whole seat and _finally_ sat down on it, Skulduggery started the car and they began their journey to her home, that once upon a time had belonged to her uncle Gordon Edgley and which she had inherit from him after his death 14 years earlier.

It had taken time, but she had in the end started to look at the house as her own instead of Gordon's. She had not change much, since she loved Gordon's style. She and he, after all, had been very similar to each other under the 12 years she had had the privilege to have him as her uncle.

She was interrupted in her thoughts by Skulduggery's voice. He was talking in the phone and she could both hear and see on his voice and body language that he wasn't happy. Based on what he said Valkyrie understood that the Sanctuary wasn't happy with their decision to leave the sorcerers unguarded until the cleavers came to pick the bodies up.

When he had hung up and put back the phone in the suit pocket again, Valkyrie said: "Can we ever do anything that _doesn't_ anger the Sanctuary in any way?"

Skulduggery looked at her from the corner of his eye and then sighed. "Apparently not. But what do they expect from us? By now they should have learned that we do not follow the rules that closely. I mean, how long have we worked for them now? They should learn eventually, or am I wrong?"

Valkyrie laughed. "Considering how long you've been living one would think that it's _you_ that should have learned to always expect the unexpected."

Skulduggery shrugged as answer. Nothing else was said and Valkyrie enjoyed the silence. She was dirty and bruised and the only thing she wanted right now was to prepare a warm, steaming and bubbly bath that would clean away all the dirt. To think that you could get so dirty by just rolling around in little mud!

After around twenty minutes of driving they were at Valkyrie's house. She smiled when she saw her house and ran out from the car before Skulduggery had time to stop the car completely. As soon as she had unlocked the front door she was attacked by her dog Xena that licked her in the face and barked happily.

"Nice to see you too, Xena. Have you been a good girl while I've been away?" Valkyrie asked and clapped her dog lovingly.

Xena barked in response and waved her tail. Valkyrie laughed, took off her shoes and walked into the kitchen where she filled Xena's food bowl. She opened the refrigerator and took out a jug that was filled with water that she drank directly from. When she put it back in again she could hear the sound of the front door that opened and closed and Xena that ran up to Skulduggery. She smiled to herself and followed her dog out to the hallway.

"Hello, Xena. You're such a good dog", Skulduggery said and patted the dog behind her ears.

"While you and my dog greet each other I will go upstairs and prepare a bath for myself."

Skulduggery nodded and continued to pat Xena. "Call if you need anything."

Valkyrie walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. While the water was filling up in the bathtub she took off her muddy clothes and threw them into the laundry basket. When she was going to enter the bathtub her reflection caught her attention and she stopped to get a good look at herself. She had dried blood on her face, throat and hands. Her hair looked like it was made out of clay and she could not see many parts of her body that was not brown or glistened of rainwater.

"Oh my god..." she mumbled to herself. "I look like a swamp monster!"

She heard footsteps in the stairs and quickly hurried down into the bathtub and hid among the foam that she'd poured in earlier. The moment when her upper body had disappeared under the foam, the clicking of a dogs paws that walks over floor could be heard and Xena walked into the bathroom with Skulduggery close behind.

"Hello", he said.

Valkyrie lifted an eyebrow. "Hi?" she said hesitantly. "Has something happened?"

"Hmm? Oh, no! Everything's in order. The reason to why we're here is because Xena got worried about something so I decided to follow her. I am as surprised as you are of being in here."

Valkyrie looked down at her dog and gave her a smile. She leaned herself over the bathtub edge and patted Xena with a wet hand on her head. Xena licked her hand and then shook to get rid of the water that Valkyrie had dropped down on her. Both Skulduggery and Valkyrie laughed and Xena wagged her tail and barked happily in response.

Valkyrie splashed a little more water on her dog before she once again sank down under the hot water. She took a bottle with body soap and began to scrub it in to get rid of the dirt. It did not take long before the water started to turn brown and she sighed when she realized that she would be forced to remove the dirty water and then fill the bathtub again to get rid of the rest of the dirt.

"Skulduggery, I am going to remove this dirty water so I can fill up with new, fresh."

Skulduggery nodded and turned around without a sound. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of water that pours down into the drain. It was soon replaced by the sound from a faucet that filled new water into a bathtub and when the water had stopped pouring Skulduggery once again turned towards Valkyrie that continued to scrub herself clean.

When all dirt and blood from arms, legs and upper body was scrubbed away Valkyrie moved on to her face. The feeling of becoming clean again was so nice that she sighed in relief and pleasure. She leaned backwards and sank all the way down under the water and enjoyed the feeling that the water gave her.

Her thoughts got interrupted by the sound of a voice. She flowed up to the surface again and dried the water from her eyes before asking: "Did you say something, Skulduggery?"

"I asked if you're done soon. I am starting to get bored."

Valkyrie laughed. "The famous skeleton detective Skulduggery Pleasant, bored? Isn't that my job?"

"In most cases, yes."

Valkyrie tilted her head to the side in a way that reminded of how Skulduggery use to tilt his head when he was smiling. A smirk could be seen on her lips and Skulduggery understood that his partner had come up with an idea that probably would imply discomfort towards him.

"If you now are so bored and want me to get done faster, you probably won't have anything against helping me wash my hair and back."

"And why would I do that? You are fully capabel of taking care of yourself."

"Skulduggery, be it that I am an unique woman with many abilities, but not even I can twist my arms in a way that makes me able to reach so I can scrub my own back. Besides, you see much better than I do where I am still dirty and thereby can do something about it."

Without a word Skulduggery took of his suit jacket and unclasped the buttons around the wrists on his shirt before he rolled up the sleeves so that his bones became visible. He lifted his right hand and made a sweeping gesture that got the water that had gathered on the tub edge to fall down into the bath tub together with Valkyrie. He then sat down so that his ribs lay against Valkyrie's arm.

"Take of your gloves."

Skulduggery did as he had been told and let them hover from his now naked, bony hands straight down into the suit jackets pocket. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow but still continued to smile. "You wiseacre!"

Skulduggery bent his head in a way that told Valkyrie that he was smiling and that he was extremely proud of himself. He bent over her so his upper body stroked against her cheek and hair before pulling back with a bottle of schampo in his hand. He poured out a little of the contents in Valkyrie's hair and started to massage the schampo to Valkyrie's big enjoyment and pleasure. She closed her eyes and leaned slightly forward so Skulduggery would have total access to her hair.

"Mm... That feels really good, Skulduggery..." Valkyrie whispered and relaxed. She dedicated herself completely in Skulduggery's treatment since she trusted him without any doubt.

When he was done massaging her hair Skulduggery passed over to her back. He kneaded, rubbed and massaged where needed and more than once Valkyrie let out a sigh of relief and pleasure. She could feel how the dirt was coming off her bruised body and how all her tender muscles relaxed.

After a while Skulduggery stopped with the treatment and laid his skeleton hands on Valkyrie's shoulders. He squeezed them carefully and Valkyrie felt it as if she waking up from a deep sleep. She blinked a few times to make her thoughts clear and then turned her head towards Skulduggery.

"I'm done."

"Thanks", Valkyrie answered and gave him a smile. "When you're at it, could you give me the shower nozzle so I can wash of the schampo?"

"But of course!" Skulduggery gave it to her.

"Thanks again. Before you go, it is one last thing I would like to ask you, though."

"And that is?"

Valkyrie did not answer. Instead she started the shower and turned the nozzle towards Skulduggery that, before he knew it, became soaked in shower water. Valkyrie laughed so much that she got stomach ache when she saw Skulduggery's reaction, but the laugh soon got stuck in her throat when Skulduggery used water magic to target the jets so they hit her instead of him.

Quickly Valkyrie turned the shower nozzle and grabbed Skulduggery's shirt. Before he understood what she was about to do, she pulled him down into the bathtub with her. If he had been wet before he was _really_ soaking wet now.

The sound of water that fell down to the floor and up on walls could be heard and Xena jumped backwards to not get hit by any of it while she barked happily, since she understood that her owner and her friend did something that was called "funny". If she had not hated to get wet she had also thrown herself in the water.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery was now wrestling over the shower nozzle while they both laughed. After a short struggle Valkyrie was forced to see herself defeated since Skulduggery held the nozzle out of reach for her with one of his hands while he held her fast with his other hand and body.

"I surrender!" she laughed and was forced to close her eyes as to not get schampo in her eyes. "I promise, I will not soak you anymore."

"You promise? You have a very hard time to keep your promises to me, after all."

"I promise, I solemnly swear."

"Good." Skulduggery nodded content and let the showers rays wash over Valkyrie's face, hair and back before he turned the shower off. "Are you clean now?"

Valkyrie nodded and rubbed the water away from her eyes before she looked up at Skulduggery. "Thanks. It feels much better now. And sorry for soaking you down."

Skulduggery snorted. "You're not sorry."

"Alright then, I am not. But you gotta confess that it was funny."

"It was." Skulduggery chuckled and lay his arms around Valkyrie in an embrace while he leaned against the tubs edge.

Valkyrie laid herself comfortably against Skulduggery and lay her head against his bony shoulder. They said nothing, just sat there in the warm water. Strangely enough Valkyrie did not feel embarrased over lying naked against Skulduggery's body. She loved the feeling that his body always gave her and she deemed that they both knew each other really good and had come so close towards one another by now that she did not need to be ashamed of showing herself to him.

She closed her eyes. "Thank you for being by my side, Skulduggery."

"Until the end, Valkyrie."


End file.
